Jason Bateman: I've Made A Huge Mistake... Please Have My Babies

For a movie about a man who drunkenly switches his own sperm with that of a carefully chosen donor, thus impregnating his best friend without her consent, The Switch isn't really a creepy horror show. It's not a fantastic movie, either. However, it did remind me that Jason Bateman is pretty much my all time favorite Dad. As such, I would like to ask him to bear and raise my progeny.

He gets this look, you know the one. That classic Jason Bateman, looking off into the distance, smiling, but also confused, like he didn't know that happiness was really a thing that happened to people? Where he's never had to make his muscles do that before and it's a really concerning new experience?

Yeah, that's the one.

That's too cute. And it's not the little kid sitting on his shoulders either. It's that fluffy-haired dude right there. The one who's probably about to drop the little kid and then make up for it by buying him ice cream and talking to him about how life is hard sometimes, but we all learn to deal with that.

He's a great, encouraging Dad. Who really knows how to make his kid strive.

Michael: [about George Michael's test] A-?
George Michael: Are you proud of me?
Michael: Very proud... minus. 

And let's not forget the time in Juno when he ran out on his wife and the pregnant teenager who was about to give them her child because he wanted to pursue his dream of being a rock star and/ or not an adult... Actually, yes, let's definitely forget about that time.

[Coughs] Disregarding the past paragraph... When it comes down to it, he's just the perfect guy and I've gotta ask:

Jason Bateman, will you carry and raise my babies, seahorse style? 'Cause I'd be down for that.

Pros: Already Married With Two Kids (What's Another One, Right?), Adorably Pessimistic Parenting Style
Cons: I Don't Actually Want Kids, Often A Barely Functional Fictional Dad, Already Married With Two Kids (That's Two More Than I'd Want and I Couldn't Blame Him if He Wanted to Stop There)

One Point.