Martin Freeman: Charming and Disarming

Lately, I was part of a thread on Facebook wherein someone claimed to be a nice guy, and that girls didn't like him because he was too nice. Now, there are tons and tons of blogs I could link to talk about the problem of the Nice Guy and the Friend Zone, but I'd rather address it in my own way. I want to talk to you about Martin Freeman. I could be a Jehovah's Witness for Martin Freeman. Do you have Martin Freeman in your life? He is a power for good, my friend. You will breathe a little easier knowing Marty is out there somewhere, smiling awkwardly and thinking about tea.

I Googled "Martin Freeman tea" to get this photo, but it was really pointless to add that to the search because Martin Freeman is synonymous with tea.

And this is not a British thing. I'm in love with tons of Brits, it's true, but only Martin Freeman reminds me consistently of tea. And fuzzy slippers. He's that "too nice" guy. But it's totally working for me. Yowza, tell me more about the garden behind your house.

Have you seen Love Actually!? How many guys could play that role, chatting up a girl while being a body double in a sex scene? Martin Freeman is so disarming that he can ask a girl out While. Pretending. To. Screw. Her. And he can still seem sweet doing it.

"It's Junction 13 that's just murder, isn't it? Total gridlock this morning."

Watch Hugh Grant try to pull that one off. Ha! He'd get kicked in the nads but hard. Martin Freeman asks a girl out while naked and miming fellatio? Lovely. (That being said, full disclosure: I swoon over that scummy Hugh Grant every time he puts on that rakish smile and brushes his hair back. It's terrible. I should see a therapist.)

Plus, Martin Freeman has played Arthur Dent, the tea-loving, accidentally-flying reluctant space traveler of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And Bilbo Freakin' Baggins.

Of the Sackville-Freakin'-Bagginses.

He's basically all of my childhood fantasy friends wrapped up in one. If only he could play Ramona Quimby, age 8, he'd be a perfect amalgam of every book I've ever loved.

Remember those girls on the school bus reading Tiger Beat? They could swoon over the tiniest detail. I could watch YouTube clips of Martin Freeman for hours, on completely unknown British talk shows. There was an Onion article, "The Hobbit to feature 53 minute long scene of Bilbo packing." I would love that movie. The bit where he rummages through his drawers? Yup, I'd be happily munching on popcorn. Because this guy has facial expressions like you wouldn't believe. He'd be all...

and I'd be all, "you're right, Bilbo, that sweater is a bit too light for this type of excursion. It would be much better suited for a hike and picnic. Best pack the deep red wool with the little oak buttons." Hand to god, I would watch this man read the phone book.

And let's not even talk about his work on Sherlock. (Because I'll get to Watson later.)

...And that is why I named a cat after him at work the other day. Fluffy, round-faced, sweet little devil. Charming and disarming. Then, bam, you're in love.

Pros: Arthur Dent/ Bilbo Baggins/ John Watson. Possibly the nicest guy in the world (and if he's widely known for being a jerk, please let me keep my greatly un-researched fantasy). Has a mom named Philomena.

Cons: In a committed partnership, has two kids. 2 points.