Much like the Beatles, I used to like Shakespeare because I thought I was supposed to, but as I grew older, I realized that we had a lot in common. I discovered that there was more to Shakespeare than his fame. For instance, he was a man of the people, who wrote for the drunk guys standing on rushes in the pit as well as the royalty. He once bought a pig (according to a professor, this was one of the few records of his everyday life). He may have actually been an Earl. He seems cool with cross dressing. And, most importantly, the man loved a good syphilis joke. I mean, how is that not sexy?
Also, I could call him Big Willy, which I admit I did for many years.
I imagine the proposal would have gone something like this (remember, English was pronounced differently in his time):
Shakespeare: I know no ways to mince it in love, but directly to say 'I love you:' then if you urge me farther than to say 'do you in faith?' I wear out my suit. Give me your answer; i' faith, do: and so clap hands and a bargain: how say you, lady?
Me: Sorry, I can't understand you.
Shakespeare: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.
Me: ... Are you from Ireland?
Shakespeare: Upon thy cheek I lay this zealous kiss, as seal to the indenture of my love.
Me: Ohhhh, now I get it. Yeah, that's cool by me.
Shakespeare: Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough. [dies]
Me: What? Aw, crud.
The Final Score
Shakespeare: Dead, gay (?), married, and fictional (?). 2-4 points, depending on what you believe about his identity.
Note: I admit that my love of Shakespeare has also been influenced by Ten Things I Hate About You. If only I'd taken the Bard of Avon to Prom.
Note: I admit that my love of Shakespeare has also been influenced by Ten Things I Hate About You. If only I'd taken the Bard of Avon to Prom.